Strikes, Replacements, Gods, and Chaos
by O2
Summary: Dende found out, the hard way, that being god isn't always what it seems. So he's gone on strike, with a bunch of his godly friends. With the strike in full swing, replacements start coming in. Oh boy, the Z gang better be careful, this one's a doosy.
1. Dende Has Left The LookOut

A/N: Almost two years since this was last updated. Well that's about to change. I'll be revamping, which incidentally involves fixing spelling errors, these chapters before uploading the new ones.

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. DUH! grumbles Stupid lawyers.

Dende growled.

"Conar koejw ssdowk ddow dodoe alado aekel qpods eeeidi tpa e kkkkkk!"

The young Namek stopped his train of Namekian curse words for a breath.

"Problem kid?"

The few words of Piccolo seemed to calm the enraged god of earth, who was starting to turn purple in rage.

"You bet there's a #! problem. Those #! idiots sit on their !# all century, while all of us lowers do THEIR DIRTY WORK! The LEAST they could do is give us a better !# paycheck. I mean, come on, look at this!"

In his, um, mentally unstable state, Dende thrust a small, triangular shaped envelope in the elder Namek's face.

Giving the god a sideways glance, who had started to twitch, Piccolo snatched the mail from him. Opening it, cautiously, the green man read over the contents.

Piccolo, who had stood up to impossible odds, and even changed his evil ways, cringed, yes, cringed.

"Oiy, that's gotta hurt."

Dende, being Dende, gave a look that wasn't quite his own. Or, for that matter, anyone sane.

"What are the benefits?"

Dende didn't answer.

Giving the god another sideways glance, and taking a step to the side, away from him, Piccolo searched the envelope. To his surprise, not shown anyway, he pulled out a long sheet of paper. Quickly reading it, his eyes widened.

"I've got one thing ta say kid."

The young Namek turned his head sharply to face his companion.

Piccolo was startled, or visibly at least, because he jumped, high. Of course you would too if you saw this site.

The god of earth had one eye bigger that the other, giving him a crazy, erm, expression. One corner of his mouth was moved up as if in a smirk, thing was, it was twitching. And so was the smaller eye.

Piccolo, deciding he still hadn't gone off the deep end, smirked.

Oh how he loved to cause trouble.

"Glad it was you instead of me."

Dende face faulted, hunching over in the process.

After a few minutes, his earlier face gone, replaced by one of shock, Piccolo decided that maybe he'd pushed it too far.

"Kid?

Dende snapped up to his full height, looking like a caffeine induced Vegeta.

Piccolo cringed, again, BAAAAAAAAAD memory. REALLY bad memory.

"Kid?" he asked again.

"You're right Piccolo," Dende said calmly.

Piccolo now took two steps back. Dende was too calm for that expression. And now string bean was worried.

"Ki…."

"WWOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

With a cowboy's yell, Dende was running across the lookout, which by the way they were on this whole time, and was headed toward his palace.

Piccolo, being Piccolo, raised one eyebrow. Or, hairless brow? Or, is it eye ridge?

Slaunting, like he usually did, Piccolo walked slowly toward the palace. A sudden heavy wind blew against him, causing his cape to blow away from him. Welded, pumped, chiseled muscles bulged from his body as the wind plastered his gi to the front of his body. (A/N: ahuhahuh drool)

Inside wasn't the greatest of, sights. As a matter of fact, Piccolo wished he'd decided to stay _outside_.

The palace was destroyed, tables were over turned as well as couches and chairs, and there was shaving cream, and toilet paper, everywhere. The toilet tissue hung particularly from the ceilings. There were several holes in the walls, and cans of spray paint, which Dende appeared to have used to write things in Namek, that he'd rather not repeat, on the same walls. He had the insight, or non-contaminated brain cells, to paint around the holes he'd made.(A/N: this poses an important a question. what's Dende been on. or is it just stress. you vote)

"K…"

It was then Dende walked out from a hallway, a crazed, lunatical (A/N: my word) look on his face.

"Yeah, you heard me Jordy, I call a STRIKE!"

It was then Cucumber noticed the cellphone (A/N: heehee I finally have one) that he was talking into. Well, actually, he was screaming but he was still talking, er, to the person… Forget it.

Wait a minute, Jordy.

"Jordy?" Piccolo voiced.

His eyes widened, for the third time in the past ten minutes.

"STRIKE!"

Dende finished his conversation, or scream fest, and slid his phone in the mist of his robes, hiding in there among the endless clothes. (A/N? hiding, you say)

Many bags appeared, and a Hawaiian shirt appeared over the top of his robes, along with a pair of black sunglasses.

"K.."

"Hey guys!""

"Great," came the growl from my, er, little cactus plant.

In the doorway of the now demolished mansion, stood a savior of earth. Being as naive as Goku was, he didn't notice the crazed, lunatical expression on Dende's face.

Picking all the bags in his arms, dropping several items, Dende flew out the door at top speed. Goku was knocked down in the process, landing on the floor, a bag promptly landing on his head a few moments later.

"OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEE!" yelled the Saiyan, nursing a good-sized bump on his rump, and crown.

"What's in that thing?"

Piccolo was in slight shock so to speak, staring at the trail of baggage. After all, the god of earth had just, flew the coop?

"Hey, where'd Dende go, I wanted to talk to him?"

"Strike!" Piccolo squeaked. Well, he didn't exactly 'squeak' so to speak. But his voice wasn't as deep and intimidating as usual. (A/N: RROOOOWWRRRRR!)

"What's that mean?" asked the second only survivor of his race.

"There's no more earth god."

Once again, Goku being Goku, my, erm, pickle ended up staring at the orange gi'd man for an equivalent of five minutes.

Goku's eyes widened, slowly, as the meaning of Pickle's, er, Piccolo's words, sunk in.

"OH NO!" he shrieked.


	2. Drunken Kamis, Oh Boy

A/N: Second chapter revamped. I removed the reviewer responses. Maybe I'll continue that if I get more reviews. Haven't had a review on this fic since it was last updated.

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN DBZ. IF YOU THINK THAT WHAT ARE YOU ON! MUSHROOMS! I also don't own the Mojo Jojo. I also believe my impressions of him are horrible. I'm not one to mumble on insanely about the same thing. Other than that, I own, so DON'T TAKE WITHOUT ASKING, AND WITH MY GIVEN PERMISSION! ahem RR pleaz.

Goku's yell echoed throughout the lookout. Then throughout the countryside. Then throughout the world. Then throughout the galaxy.

Piccolo had had his ears covered for the last 5 minutes. Not surprisingly he was getting quite irritated. It didn't help his mood with the dramatic pose Goku was in, either. (A/N: Piccolo's touché)

Apparently living with his wife, the soap opera queen herself, had 'rubbed' off on him. He was on his knees; his upper body straight and his head bent all the way back. His arms were raised toward the ceiling. His mouth was open as the 'o' in 'no' was carried on insistently.

Oh yes, grassman (A/N: o.O) was definitely in a foul mood now.

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

This was the ferocious yell that echoed throughout the lookout. Then throughout the countryside. Then throughout the world. Then throughout the galaxy.

The Saiyan stopped instantly, scratching the back of his head in that irritating matter.

My green giant growled, standing up straight after removing his hands from his ears. He crossed his arms over tight, muscular biceps. (A/N: drool) A smug smirk crossed his sharp, stone features.

"No need for unnecessary screaming, for I, Piccolo Daemon(SP?), will be here to watch over the earth. For the earth, has people, and these people, live on the earth. For without these people, earth would not be, and without earth, these people would not be. The earth must be looked over, cared for as Popo's flowers. So I, Piccolo Daemon(SP?), will watch over the earth, take over as Kami. So that the earth, will be safe, so that the people will be safe."

Goku blinked several times, letting my aloe vera plant's words sink in.

Another unnecessarily long 'no' reverberated for another 5 minutes. The scream was desperate, helpless, horrified. The place shook. The echo went throughout the lookout. Then throughout the countryside. Then throughout the world. Then throughout the galaxy.

My Piccy was hunched over in pain, his sexy strong hands covering his lovable elf ears, for this he hadn't expected.

Goku stopped, then after two minutes realized what he'd done, and sweat dropped, scratching the back of his head. (A/N: breaks pencil in hand)

"Erm, sorry Piccolo."

Piccolo growled, low. Lower than Dende had with his paycheck. Lower than that. He was pissed now.

"Heh, heh…"

Goku, being Goku, moved his hand to the back of his head, scratching it in that habit-forming manner.

Piccolo growled again.

"Sorry…"

"Never mind," hissed the NOW only Namek on earth.

Goku smiled, innocently, surprisingly. Or not….

"Just see if I do anything for you ever again," was the grumble from green man.

The Saiyan smiled nervously. Scratching the back of his head again. (A/N: two pencils are now snapped in half)

"But what are we gonna do noooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww?" the incessant whining continued.

Piccolo stiffened, he **WAS NOT** supposed to be treated this way. His contract said so.

Somewhere in the universe, a figure approached a bar. The building was rather run down, one window incased in brick showed shadows that was the happenings of the insides. The glass was yellow, and the only thing on that side of the wall.

Piano music from the 1800's echoed from far off in the night silence. Cheers and yells were heard, followed by more of the same thing. The figure watched two figures in the window attack each other, one had jumped on the other sending both of them rolling to the left, behind the brick. A bottle was seen taking air through the range of sight the window gave. If you assumed glass, you were right, for the shattering was heard as it hit the ground.

A figure was seen suddenly getting bigger in the yellow window. It crashed through, landing on the ground.

The centaur was rolled onto his back. Holding up a glass that was nearly empty, the reeking smell of alcohol, not only from him, but also from the building, filled the all ready dirty air.

A hiccup was heard.

He lifted his head up, turning his blurry and intoxicated attention toward the figure.

"Smore pees?"

His eyes rolled back, and his head hit the ground, his arm, which held the empty glass in it, fell down beside him.

Several more cheers were heard from inside.

The figure could be seen shaking its head. Walking toward the window, the light cased the gender on the figure.

She stepped through.

A sleek black bodysuit hugged her curves. High, metal-soled boots, knee high, covered up to her thighs. Black gloves as sleek as her clothes covered delicate looking hands. Her head was free of any sort of covering. Black blue cat like ears in baby powder blue with a shine, were at the top of her head toward the side. Navy blue hair cascaded over her shoulders and down her back, her bangs hung in curves around her human face. Chestnut brown eyes, almond in shape and slanted, stared out from a beautiful face, with skin the color of her ears. The pupils were not slits though, they were round and human. Her nose was human too, there was also the lack of whiskers. Her lips were a luscious black; full, giving her a delicious pout.

Her eyes searched the bar, her ears perked as her attention was drawn toward the loudest part of the room.

In a corner, surrounding a very large table, were a variety of creatures. All drunk from the looks of it. She walked over, her eyes scanning all of them.

"Nnnndd's, gerts mis…"

One of the creatures, tall, thin, and purple, with very smooth features, lacking in pores, (A/N: no acne, lucky alien) its head had suddenly dropped. Making a 'clonk' on the round pool table. His glass, which she assumed had alcohol in it, came crashing down as well; his arms swung to the ground, glass shattering.

Several cheers rang through the tables, as they all gulped down their mugs of beer.

Two more creatures, short and looking like rocks, both gray, whirled their heads around and threw-up to the side of them.

Three more creatures, fell off their chairs laughing, all of them tulip flowers?

"Arspentar!"

A hiccup was heard.

The old, obese male looked up from the mug he was wiping with a dirty, yellow cloth. He had six arms, resembling a beetle slightly. He wore a wife beater, and a yellow, dirty looking apron.

"Smore ascolol."

The bartender growled, preparing a round of drinks.

The woman approached the table, going unnoticed by its inhabitants. Spotting the only Namek of the group, she took slow steps toward him.

When the young Namek was yanked by the shoulder, he turned around, taking his attention from the dancing cactus that was on the table.

"Swhat?"

He hiccupped again.

She didn't answer, only crossed her arms and glared at him.

He stood up, barely, and got in her face, being somewhat taller than her.

He squinted heavily, till his eyes were slits.

"Sar yous mi muder?"

She blinked, scrunching her nose up, as the smell of alcohol was heavy on his breath. It didn't help either that their noses' were touching.

"Dende?" came her voice.

It wasn't very polite, but very demanding. Also loud like that of a general's. Oh but was it sultry.

"Sut, sup onnna."

Her eyes widened, then she glared again, this time growling deep in her throat, sounding like a tiger.

"Sssssssthand, still hiccup woman."

The Namek started wobbling on his legs.

"Dende, you don't have a mother, remember?"

Despite her voice, she was rather patient.

He scrunched his whole face up this time.

"Yyyyyessssssssssth, yi dddddddddoooooo."

He wobbled some more.

"Sssssssere."

He pointed toward the bar counter. There, toward the corner, was a rotting cactus.

Shaking her head, and sighing, she prepared to do the job she came to do.

"Dende-sama, I know all of you are over-worked and under-paid. I can't change that. But I'm going to have to arrest you."

Dende stumbled back, and then landed on his back on the table. More cheers were heard as they gulped down more beer.

"Usssssder's hoe's, thority?"

Rolling her eyes, she pulled a wallet type thing from her bodysuit. (A/N: i have no idea where that came from)

Opening it, she showed a badge. From the information it showed, besides her sex, name, ID number, and picture, which showed her with a gun in one hand, pointing toward the picture apparently threatening the cameraman had the abbreviation 'U. D. O. C'.

"Universal Department Of Control."

She glared at him, again.

"Oeeeeeesss."

He blinked several times.

"Swhat foreeeeeeee?"

"Vandalism..."

"TA WHO?"

The shout had been a surprise, as it had come from the crowd of 'Kamis on Strike'.

"The Supreme Ki."

"We ane eva dun uthin ta him."

Another hiccup was heard from someone else.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really, you guys toilet papered and shaving creamed his palace. Not to mention the different colored spray painted logo of 'Screw U' on his walls."

The woman was unmoving.

"We'sssss redacoratin."

"Oh no, I ain't believin that one."

Dende suddenly perked up.

"Owe yi emper ew."

His body wavered for he sat up too quickly.

She fell over anime-style.

"Ore's Seeeeeeeaaaaaa."

She huffed.

"Yes Dende, I'm Sea. I'm glad you remembered me. Now as I was saying, you're under arrest for the vandalism of the Supreme Ki's palace, disturbing the peace, T.U.I.,"

"BEEEEEERRRRRRRR!"

She was startled when Dende suddenly did a back flip from the table and landed steadily on the ground.

"Areoooooke!"

He hiccupped again.

"WHAT!"

The Cat woman was starting to get impatient.

The table cheered. There was suddenly a mob of the 'Kamis on Strike' and they ran her over on their way toward the stage. Which she had just now noticed.

She yelped when she hit the floor.

She blinked in surprise. Then scowling, she picked herself up off the floor.

She face-faulted when disco music started to play.

Five of the Kamis, Dende included, started dancing unsteadily on stage.

Piccolo was about to walk away, to go sulk at the fact that nobody seemed to like him again, stopped when he heard a feminine…

"YuuuuuuuHooooooooo!"

Goku's attention was suddenly grabbed toward the entrance of the palace.

A thin male, with lavender skin color, sauntered into the palace. His eyes bugged out, and his lips puckered up.

"Oh my," he said, his hand coming to his mouth.

Piccolo's own eyes bugged out.

"What the…"

"Oh, Heeethen, I didn't know you were here."

Mr. Popo had conveniently come from wherever he had been, in time to interrupt what my spinach man had been about to say.

"Popo!" exclaimed the man, his eyes getting watery.

Heeethen, ran up to the genie, hugging him. One foot coming up to pointed toes like a ballerina.

Piccolo looked confused, and Goku, being Goku, had no idea what was going on, what-so-ever.

"Heeethen, are you alright?"

Dramatically, he brought a wrist to his forehead, and like a ballerina, began flouncing over toward my green leaf.

"Oh, it's horrible Popo."

He leaned up against my green lollipop.

"I'm sorry to inform you Heeethen, but he's Namek."

Heeethen suddenly looked depressed.

"It's always the good ones, isn't it?"

My MM turned even greener, backing away from the male as realization dawned on him.

He felt, violated.

"Anyway," began Heeethen, "It seems this strike is a bit more, how should I say, serious than the last. Seems earth's little 'Kami'," Heeethen got a bit dreamy eyed, "Has, how should I say, dug himself rather deep."

"What do you mean?" asked Popo.

"Well, from the ear full I got from the Supreme Ki, it appears he toilet papered his palace. He, and what appears to be the rest of his little group, also spray painted, in an array of colors, 'Screw U' on his walls."

Piccolo suddenly returned to normal.

"Dude, you mean baby slug actually trashed the Supreme Ki's palace?"

The room suddenly fell silent, except for the excessive blinking.

"Never knew he had it in him."

My weed (A/N: o.O) shook his head in disbelief.

"Um, guys, I'm confused."

Heeethen's attention was suddenly turned to the naive Son.

He made a purring noise.

"Sorry my friend, married."

Heeethen pouted, the genie was ruining his visit.

"So what do we do till then?" asked Popo.

Heeethen suddenly became glum; he then straightened into a military position.

"I'm afraid we're sending replacements," he said with a monotone.

"And that's bad?" growled my pea pod.

Heeethen turned to him, his eyes watery once again.

"It's a shame to lose you before we got to know each other. I'm sorry my Piccy-chan."

"Hey, how'd you know my name?"

As a tear fell to the floor, burning through it like acid, Heeethen disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Now I feel violated," squeaked my moss mass in a small voice. Wondering at the same time if he had a stalker he didn't know about.


	3. Yeah Baby!

A/N: Third chapter is now revamped. I removed unnecessary author notes and corrected spelling and grammar. Standard disclaimer applies.

"Who was that?" asked Goku, once again scratching the back of his head. (A/N: exactly how much head 'n shoulders do you think this guy uses?)

Piccolo recovered, rather quickly, and shook his head slowly.

It was a fact, Goku was hopeless.

"Never mind," hissed my pine tree.

"DDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!"

"Wonderful," was my pear's growl, "just fricken wonderful."

"Hey Dad," Gohan's voice called from outside.

"IN HERE SON!" Goku yelled back.

Piccolo's hands flew to his ears. Growling, he stalked over to a nearby wall, one without a hole, and leaned against it for a well needed meditation.

twilight music plays Ladies and Gentlemen. You are about to enter the mind of the once, sadistic man. Er, Namek… Well, the guy was bent on taking over the world, so, yeah… clears throat

A man… Namek, that has fused several times.

looks off camera

"What? Whatda ya mean they canceled!"

voices from on set

"SHE SAID WHAT!"

more voices

"WHAT DOES SHE MEAN I SUCK!"

several more voices

"WHY I OUGHTA!.."

BBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP

authoress appears in a comfy looking chair in a professionally looking black business suit

"I'm sorry to report that we're having some technical difficulties. Seems Twilight dude didn't fit in as well as I thought. So, I'll be your entertainment for the next few minutes."

picks up papers from space pocket

"Now… So far we've found that Piccolo hasn't had a very good day. And, we've also found the numerous pet names he can be called."

clears throat

"It also seems our Green Man attracts more than just the ladies."

grins evilly

notices readers

"Erm, author moment there."

heh heh

twilight music is still playing

voices from off set

"Oh, well it seems we can get back to the fic."

more voices

"Whatda ya MEAN we can't find a replacement!"

voices "

"HE SAID WHAT!"

more voices

"WHY I OUGHTA………………….."

smiles sheepishly

"Well, dear readers. Seems I'll be filling in for this little segment."

twilight music still playing

"WILL SOMEONE TURN OFF THAT BLASTED MUSIC!"

record scratching

"There now. Anyway, you are about to enter PikleVision. This also answers the question as to why Piccolo REALLY meditates."

voices

"Oh, shut up already!"

inside Piccolo's head

_Kami: Ah, the joys of father and son._

_Piccolo: How would you know?_

_Nail: Reminds me of my brothers and I on Namek._

_Piccolo: Don't interrupt._

_Nail: Humph, you're just jealous._

_Piccolo: Jealous of what!_

_Nail: Plus, I'm sick of you two arguing. _

_Kami: Oh come on. You can't fool us Piccolo._

_Nail: Yeah, we're in your head._

_Piccolo: Don't remind me._

_Kami: I'll tell you one thing I didn't like, Heeethen. _

_Nail: Yeah, that dude freaked me out._

_Piccolo: At least he didn't touch you…_

_Nail: And how does Mr. Popo know him?_

_Piccolo: Probably one of his drug buddies._

_Kami: Piccolo, we talked about that. Popo's clean. He's been through therapy and rehab._

_Piccolo: Twice._

_Kami: PICCOLO!_

_Nail: Dude, what are drugs?_

_Kami: Addictive substances that are bad for your health._

_Nail: So, that's bad?_

_Piccolo: They get in the way of training._

_Nail: So, that's bad…?_

_Kami: Didn't that happen to Gohan?_

_Piccolo: He does NOT belong in the same conversation as your assistant. _

_Nail: He was your assistant!_

_Kami: Everyone has faults. Second chances are always needed._

_Piccolo: He was an alcoholic too._

_Nail: A what?_

_Kami: Piccolo…_

_Piccolo: I'm talking old man…_

_Nail: Uh, hello…_

_Piccolo/Kami: SHUTUUUUPPPPP!_

_Nail: Touché_

_Piccolo: NOW I'm irritated._

_Kami: Your always irritated._

_Piccolo: Maybe because YOU'RE in my HEAD!_

_Kami: Ain't my fault._

_Nail: Guys…_

_Kami: Face it Piccolo, he's like a son to you._

_Piccolo: Where did THAT come from!_

_Nail: I do have the power to take over this body, ya know…_

_Piccolo: How would I know? I've never had a kid…_

_Kami: That's why you're jealous._

_Piccolo: Old man, you better not be getting Alzheimer's cause this is my brain._

_Nail: Oh boy…_

_Kami: HOW DARE YOU! I'M NAMEK! NOT A PART OF THIS TWO BIT…_

_Piccolo: Oh, so the guardian of earth's true feelings finally come out._

_Nail: Uh, guys, whatda we do about Dende? I mean, the dude's…_

_Kami: You're puttin words in my mouth again. _

_Piccolo: YOU'RE MOUTH! This is MY body! You're nuthin but neural energy._

_Nail: If drugs and alcohol are supposed to make you crazy…_

_Kami: NAIL! Are you now on Mr. Popo's back too?_

_Nail: …………….. Dude, that did NOT sound right._

_Piccolo: Kami, keep your neuron memories to yourself, I don't even wonna know._

_Kami: I didn't mean it like that._

_Piccolo: Sure…_

_Nail: Ah man, I can't believe I'm in the same brain space as you._

_Kami: The feeling's mutual._

_Piccolo: At least you don't feel his presence._

_Nail: You've never been in subconscious space with em._

_Piccolo: Don't tell me._

_Kami: Yes, well, about Dende._

_Piccolo: Oh no you don't. Old man, have you lost what little you have._

_Nail: Uh, Piccolo, that didn't sound right either._

_Piccolo: DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE A SEXUAL INUENDO WITH YOU!_

_Kami: Nail, what have I told you about watching Au…_

_Piccolo: WHAT!_

_Nail: Nothing. He said nothing._

_Piccolo: Nail, is that why Dende talked about sleepwalking._

_Nail: Uh…_

_Kami: Well, at first I thought it was harmless. After all, he is asexual. But now I'm not so sure…_

_Piccolo: Tell me what's going on. _

_Nail: Kami's lost what he had… laughs_

_Piccolo: Old man…_

_Kami: Will you quit with that name already, it's irritating._

_Piccolo: Fine you old f…_

_Nail: starts humming funky 60's tune _

_Piccolo: ……….._

_Kami: Guess I shouldn't have let him watch it after all…_

_Piccolo: Old man…_

_Kami: I said…_

_Nail: in funky British accent Do I make you horny baby? _

_Piccolo: What the…_

_Kami: What have I said about language Piccolo?_

_Nail: Do I?_

_Piccolo: What the…_

_Kami: Piccolo…_

_Nail: Ooops._

_Piccolo: Nail, what was that?_

_Nail: Um, I made it up._

_Piccolo: No you didn't. Gohan loves those movies. _

_Kami: Really…_

_Nail: What movies? nervous voice_

_Piccolo: He made me sit down and watch those. It makes me glad I'm not human. _

_Kami: Did he make you, or did he ask you and you caved in._

_Piccolo: Old man…_

_Kami: in irritated voice I told you…_

_Piccolo: Fine you old fa…_

_Kami: I DON'T WONNA BE CALLED THAT EITHER!_

_Nail: Gohan likes Austin Powers?_

_Piccolo: Just where do you get off! I'll have you know I don't give into anything! Or one!_

_Nail: Yeah babbbyyy!_

_Piccolo: Nail…_

_Kami: Guess it doesn't matter what your body function is. The mind can get preetty dirt-ty._

_Nail: Sorry baaabyy, Ah got stuck in ur dirty pillows. _

_Piccolo: Now that part was not funny._

_Kami: You laugh?_

Nail: Swedish enlarger, HA! laughs hysterically 

_Piccolo: I'm going to kill that kid…_

_Kami: Which one?_

_Piccolo: Both. _

_Kami: Why?_

_Piccolo: Kid one is making me go to that new movie. Goldmember. Disgusting._

_Nail: OH MY KAMI! WE'RE GOING!_

_Kami: Did someone call me?_

_Nail: Wonder if Dende'd like it._

_Piccolo: Okay, that's enough conversation. I'm shutting you out._

authoress is shown on comfy chair

"Well, as pathetic as it was, it was a nice try."

Duo: I don't know, I liked it.

O2: ACK! What are you doing here? I thought I confined you to my other story.

Duo: shrugs with smirk Like I said babe, I'm ya stalker.

O2: QUIT. CALLING. ME. BABE!

Duo: huge smirk Do I make you horny baby? Do I?

O2: twitches AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! lunges for the pilot

"Piiiiiccooooollloooooo!"

Green bean awoke to the hand of his former pupil waved in front of his face.

"Quit it kid, I'm not a cough drop," he growled.

Gohan smiled, then laughed.

"So, what's everyone up to?" asked the demi-saiyan.

"Waiting for a replacement kami," growled green man.

"WHAT!"


	4. Sing Along! Only you're drunk HUH?

Piccolo covered his ears again.

"WHATDA YA MEAN A REPLACEMENT!"

And not for the first time, my lime flavored gummy bear didn't wonder who his former pupil's mother was.

The blue cat-woman quickly got over her surprise, and a growl erupted from her.

The six kamis began to dance in a drunken sequence.

Well, in all actuality, they were hanging onto each other for support, swinging their legs forward and almost falling down when they came back.

The feline breathed, combing her hand through her ruffled hair.

The intoxicated Namek stumbled away from the group and toward the front of stage where a microphone stood.

The other five nearly fell down from the lack of support.

Dende opened his mouth, and in a slurred voice began to stumble over words.

"Ung en, Er's o eed toooo eel hiccup dowahhhn."

The officer watched in disbelief as he began to shake his head with the music.

"Ah ed hiccup ung en, ick urelf offfff uh ouwnd."

Dende let one hand go and pushed himself farther from the mike. He wavered slightly, but was somehow able to stable himself.

"Uh ed, ung en, us ur in uh ew oowen."

The other five kamis moved unstably toward him.

"Er's ooo eed uh ee uhapppppppyyyyyy."

To the horror of the woman, puffs of smoke puffed up around them, only to reveal costumes after they cleared.

Dende danced in drunken oblivion in an Indian chief costume, with open vest, and the headdress to complete it.

"Ung en, ur uh ace ooo an ooo."

Another kami, looking like a child sized brown blob of something, was dressed in a G.I. outfit. In his attempt at forming limbs on himself, he splashed most of, well, himself, on those he clung to, to be able to stand.

"Eeee ed, ung en, hen erreee or un err owe."

One of the rock creatures she'd seen as of earlier, much shorter than the others there, was fully dressed in biker attire. He/she/it was desperately clinging to the leg of a kami dressed as a construction worker. He was wearing a white hardhat and his outfit was tan in color, a clean tool belt hung loosely around what she assumed was the middle. His overall shape reminding her of a ball of spikes. The biker also had a bike just his size, slowly inching itself closer to Dende.

Both of them were not only out of synch with each other, but the others as well.

"Oooo an aye ere, an um ur ooo ill inde."

One tulip shaped kami, dressed as a cop, was continuously being hit in its flower head by the taller, dogoid cowboy dressed kami, who in his drunken state, was drooling on the floor.

She grimaced at the puddle at his feet.

"Any ayes ooo aavvv uuhh oooddd im."

Her eyes widened as the five in the back let go of each other, wavered, and raised their arms and or respective noticeable limbs above their 'heads'.

Dende opened his mouth wide as the music for the chorus blared.

"TITS UUUNN OOO AYE hiccup AAEE UH I-MMM-E-AHAHAHAH!"

Her hands quickly came to her ears.

Someone had turned up the sound.

"TITS UU hiccup UNN OOO AYE AAEE UH I-MMM-E-AHAHAHAH!"

A past due chorus followed.

"TITS UUUNN OOO AYE AAEE UH I-MMM-E-AHA hiccup HAHAH!"

She slid down in her seat, her head coming down in a crash collision with the table.

"Stupid promotion," she grumbled.

And Dende started up again.

Gohan was in a panic.

"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!"

Goku was now standing and was looking numbly at the ground.

With a look of his own panic, my ivy scrambled to his feet and his hands flew over the hybrid's mouth.

"Shhhh!"

His voice had taken on an eerie tone.

"HE might come back."

His hand loosened from the demi's face.

Looking cautiously around, Gohan opened his mouth.

"Who?" he whispered.

My lime bean's alarm didn't waver.

"Him."

"Who's him?

My salad's eyes darted around.

"The gay dude."

Gohan blinked rapidly, his tension loosening.

Just exactly what had he missed?


	5. The First One It Is!

A/N: Fourth chapter is now revamped. I will continue this tedious workload. As usual, standard disclaimer applies.

Gohan rubbed the back of his neck, wincing at the tale that'd just been told to him.

But he always wondered.

Why did he always miss the good stuff?

(A/N: YEAH! It's the return of the author's notes. Question for the Gohan teenyboppers, is he a homo or a pervert? dodges nuclear bombs)

He watched as his mentor shuddered slightly.

Could he blame him?

"Geez, the only one who touches me like that is Videl."

My minty fresh, er, man cracked an eye open.

"Gohan."

He knew that tone of voice.

"Uh, yeah."

He stood up straight, hands to his sides, and staring at the floor.

"Shut-up."

Gohan winced again.

_He didn't tell me everything._

Celery boy (A/N: heehee I like that name) began to fidget, his eyes wide. Apparently quite disturbed.

"Well…"

Gohan trailed off. This was one thing he couldn't assist on. And he had to admit, he was slightly jealous. (A/N: evil mechanical laughter looks dodges more bombs)

Goku stared profusely at the tile floor that was the lookout. His brows deepened in increasing concentration. His head bowed down, a serious look crossed his face. His eyes were unfocused, slightly dense.

Mr. Popo stood in front of him. Patiently staring at the fighter.

Goku growled.

"So… Difficult…"

The genie stood stalk still.

"Just… One…"

Goku squinted his eyes in distress.

The genie still stood.

The full-blooded Saiyan raised his arms in a power-up stance.

"Pizza or Ice-cream?"

(A/N: HA! Bet I had ya there)

The Supreme Ki repeatedly hit his head on the grand oak desk he was seated behind. His spacious office was crowded to an uncomfortable capacity with those involved with the latest crisis. The strike that currently had repairmen at his house. His eyes quickly darted to right top drawer which held his little bottle of whiskey. Just enough to get him through the day. With a sigh his attention was riveted back to the crowd when his very attractive assistant of Boni nature cleared her throat.

Those around him, standing in various parts of his office, looked on nervously. He really needed a drink. Maybe he could excuse himself to go to his private restroom connected to his office. He had a bottle of tequila in the cabinets somewhere. Oh! Didn't Popo leave some X in a container too?

"I'm sorry to bother you Mr. Shin," his assistant's voice said, "but I'm afraid we're running out of replacements.

Grr, there were too many people to get to the bathroom. Maybe he'd call Lunch and have her deliver one of her meals along with his 'special' tea.

His assistant swallowed loudly.

Didn't she know not to bother a god when he was scheming ways to get plastered?

Now why are they all so quiet? Oh, that's right Shin, they're waiting for your answer. Now what was the question?

"DARK!"

The room jumped. Okay, well the room didn't jump but the people in the room did. So it just looked like the room jumped. Or were the earlier swigs he took starting to take affect.

The man of African American nature stepped forward. He was what the ladies considered 'hot'. And the females in the room were currently swooning. Good thing Heeethen wasn't there.

The Supreme Ki lifted his head, a dazed look starting to take effect. He really, really needed a drink now.

"Why?"

Desperation was in his voice. Desperation to get the situation (A/N: HA! I rhymed) done and over with and to get that X and tequila in his system.

"It wasn't in the budget for this year."

Shin looked forlorn. Budget? They had a budget? When did he sign the paperwork for a budget?

A faint memory from several centuries ago resurfaced from somewhere. He really wished how his subconscious did that. He couldn't even remember two hours ago. Now if he had the ability his subconscious had that'd be wonderful. He couldn't get plastered all the time and still function.

Wait, why was everyone staring at him. Was he drooling? Did he have something in his teeth? No, they were waiting for something, but what? Oh! That's right. They wanted an answer. But to what? Wait, didn't he ask Dark a question. Yes, yes he did. Yeah, he did sign a budget contract sometime ago. He'd find the paperwork sometime, somewhere, and go over that. Now what does a budget have to do with while they're all in his office. Wait, he only knew about two of the people in here. Well fine. But they'd all have to get their own tequila, he wasn't sharing.

"Mr. Shin?"

Dark was talking. Or at least his mouth was moving. Hey, it was all Dark's fault. It was all the black guy's fault that he couldn't get to the tequila bottle in his bathroom cabinets. But then again that was probably why the black guy scored more than he did. And he was the Supreme Ki. Now that was just sad. But he'd still black Dark. Oh yes.

"You drove them to insanity."

The man shrugged, not caring. Of course a smug smirked crossed his face when a thump followed.

Crap, which coworker was it this time. The doctor bills for starting to pile up. He hated work related injury paperwork.

"Sour, who's left?"

His assistant swallowed.

The more he looked at her he realized just how pretty she was. His girlfriend was going to kill him if she found out about that thought. Oh himself he needed a drink.

"Well, there's echo33."

Shin cringed visibly. Wow, he'd heard stuff. But she seemed to be able to cement it.

"I guess she'll have to do, send her."

The woman nodded before turning around. Not for the first time since starting this job did she realize she should have followed her mother's advice and become a dental assistant.

Above the lookout, a woman of water origin stood, floated actually, in the air. She seemed to be made of water, her features and body only outlined. At closer observance, her substance rippled down her body like a waterfall. Her face was childlike, her head large, big slanted eyes only outlined. Her nose was small, her mouth non-existent. Straight, spiked hair was outlined in long chunks. Her body that of a woman. Curves were accentuated, her feet nothing but a puddle of water. Several water-like suitcases, only outlined, flowed in the same sense she did.

"Needs work."

Her watered voice echoed through the air, diluting the nothingness around.

(We now enter Pickle-vision)

laughs

_Piccolo: Finally._

_Nail: Eh, sorry bout…_

_Kami: Ya know…_

_Piccolo: Forget it._

_Kami: At least…_

_Nail: You got away…_

_Piccolo: You're getting annoying._

_Kami: You're always…_

_Nail: Annoyed…_

_Piccolo: growling noise_

_Kami: Okay…_

_Nail: Then…_

_Piccolo: hisses_

_Nail: Sheesh, just trying to cheer you up. Ya know, ya try and do something right for a guy and…_

_Piccolo: S-h-u-t…U-p…_

_Kami: Gohan worries me._

_Piccolo: Not again._

_Nail: Hey, ya know, this meditation is really starting to suck._

_Piccolo: mumbles Tell me about it…_

_Kami: Did you say something Piccolo?_

_Piccolo: Hn…_

_Nail: Oh, Guess The Anime. I love this. Let me think…_

_Piccolo: growls_

_Nail: I KNOW! Uno momento._

_Piccolo: Huh._

_Kami: You should try and find out what's wrong with him Piccolo._

_Nail: GUNDAM WING!_

_Piccolo: sigh I'm going to kill you._

_Nail: WOOHOO! I'm good._

_Kami: Perhaps he's having family problems…_

_Piccolo: By the…_

_Nail: Err…_

_Kami: Perhaps he's lacking in something…_

_Nail: I got it! Sailor Moon._

_Kami: Perhaps if I search your memories I can put these clues together._

_Piccolo: DON'T TOUCH ME!_

_Nail: BRAK!_

_Piccolo: Old man you are a traitor._

_Nail: Crap, I know this one…_

_Piccolo: Nail would you shut-up._

_Nail: Another Gundam Wing impression, right?_

_Piccolo: God, not another one. _

_Nail: Escaflowne!_

_Piccolo: sigh_

_Nail: Don't know that one…_

_Kami: But Piccolo we must help Gohan._

Gohan watched in slight fascination as his former mentor proceeded to float high in the air. His green brow ridge was creased all the way, giving him a sign of old age and distress.

_ I wonder what's wrong with him? _

The half-breed bent his head, his own brow creased with thought.

_ Wonder what 'The Gay Dude' did to him. _

A change in the amount of light caused the born fighter to look up.

His eyes widened.

A tsunami was headed straight for them.

""Piiiiiccooooollloooooo!"

"But Mr. Popo…"

The full Saiyan's whining continued. Even though the unorthodox genie was getting annoyed, he was sworn not to show it. Man, what he wouldn't give for a hit.

"I'm sorry Goku, only one."

"B-b-but whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…"

Why didn't this guy ever stop? He'd eaten an entire buffet table in half an hour. Didn't his stomach explode. Wait, that wasn't such a bad idea. Get rid of the bozo, everyone's happy, and he could sneak off. Wonder what the Supreme Ki is doing.

"Piccolo ordered it after Dende left."

Goku's eyes widened.

Great, here it comes. The scream, the dramatic poise, couldn't the dimwit come up with anything else. Maybe he could hand the alien off to Heeethen, get a little X in return. Hey, not a bad idea.

"HE DID WHAT!"

The genie only nodded his head. Not like he could voice what he though anyway. After all, when rehab and therapy was over with the old Kami went so far as to hire his own personal life coach. Who was actually one of the ones that stayed in the shadows and attacked you as soon as they thought something was off with you. Oh great, Goku was at it.

Immediately the strongest warrior fell to his knees, his fist hitting the tile floor and breaking it.

Wonderful, doesn't he know I'M the one that has to relay the tile now. The jerk is so inconsiderate.

"HE CAN'T DO THIS!"

Yes he can and he did. Wait, the forecast said not a cloud in the sky. So why did it suddenly get rather dark. Wait, is that a tsunami?

Mr. Popo didn't acknowledge him; his eyes were focused behind the warrior. Shock, confusion, and fear flooded his eyes. Sweat, dripped down his forehead.

Goku, for his part, stopped complaining when he realized a heavy shadow had come over the area. He pondered at the darkened tile below him, ignoring that which he had smashed. Popo would just replace it anyway so it wasn't that big a deal. Then in the briefest of times when it'll click, on him, to look up, he did just that.

His eyes widened to plates.

"Huh!"

A tsunami was headed straight for them.


	6. The Obese One And Flipper

A/N: Sixth chapter revamped.

No, things did NOT look good for those on the lookout. But how exactly would they appear from higher up. Perhaps we could see this from an air- car's point of view. Yeah, that little dot that's been moving against the blue background we've been staring at for two long sentences.

So high up in the air, even higher than the lookout, is the air-car that looks less like a dot the closer we get to it. So the closer we get, the more we see the lil' orange ball inside the dot of an air-car. And as we get even closer, the orange ball turns into an orange ball with a pudgy something of a face and black shaggy hair.

This orange ball of blubber with a pudgy something of a face and black shaggy hair was the Marital Arts trainer known as Major Obi.

No wait a minute, it's not that. It's Minor Obi. No, not that either. Perhaps Fatty-Obi. No, no that wasn't it.

Bo: Did they call him B-rad?

Sea: Mali-booty.

O2: Hey, what happened to Trowa?

Sea: likes cigarette Don't know, we think you did away with him. Then to compensate for the Muse loss, decided to create us from the depths of hell.

Bo: I thought we came from the inner workings of her mind.

O2: blinks

Sea: rolls eyes

Bo: No. Did they call him Orgy?

O2: Major Orgy?

Sea: That was the pig.

O2: No, that's Oolong.

Sea: Believe it or not folks, neither one of them is blonde.

O2: I just remembered something.

Bo: What is it?

O2: Sea's a character from this fic.

Sea: Dear Kami she figured it out.

O2: glares I knew you'd come back.

Bo: So Orgy was actually Oolong, so the obese one is Yamertoe?

O2: changes stare No, I think they called him Yajerobi, but I don't think it's spelled right.

Sea: Who cares.

Bo: Wasn't Sonja the one who said Miroku was hott?

O2: What about Fluffy? pouts

Sea: Okay listen honey, why don't you finish the chapter and then we'll talk about who's hott or not.

O2: shrugs Whatever.

Okay then, let's try this again.

Yajerobi was always one for logical sense, and the threat of danger. He was helpful too, just not when it involved his life. Some would prefer to call him a coward, but he knew better. He felt that he was different. He was the cautious one. So while everyone was willing to go out and get their butts burned, he'd think ahead, and perhaps smarter if you will, and not go at all.

But all logic seemed to die as he spotted a ball of blue stuff just out of sight of the Lookout.

And then there was the small fact that the Lookout, within its circumference area, happened to be covered in water, seemed to bury that same logic six feet under.

Even though Yajerobi was the cautious one, curiosity always seemed to get the best of him.

So, as it killed the cat, it just might kill him.

But he never heard these words. He never heard the words that warned him from a sub-conscious space.

The little air-car took a steep turn upwards, headed in the direction of the blue ball of stuff.

Well that blue ball of stuff turned into quite an amazing figure. As a matter of fact, he'd never seen anything like it.

But there was a lesson to be learned here; when sneaking up on someone, the point is to never get caught.

Unfortunately for Yajerobi, he just never learned that lesson.

(We now enter Pickle-vision)

laughs

Nail: Piiiiiiiiiiccollloooooooooooooo!

Piccolo: growling What.

Nail: You do realize we're underwater, don't you?

Piccolo: growls

Kami: So, uh, you plan on getting any air anytime soon?

Piccolo: hisses No.

Kami: shrieks I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

Piccolo: You're point being?

Kami: starts crying

Nail: Is it possible to get your brain wet? giggles

Piccolo: Your brain's already wet dumba.

Kami: wails

Nail: So let me get this straight, you'd rather spend an eternity in hell with us than go up for air.

Piccolo: o.O

Kami: sniffles

Piccolo: You guys are going to hell?

Nail: Well. Um. Kami, would you answer that? Please.

Kami: takes ragged breath

Piccolo: grumbles Yes.

Kami: Well, um. You see, er, Piccolo.

Piccolo: growls

Kami: deep breath Popowasn'ttheonlyonethatwentthroughrehab.

Piccolo: o.O

Nail: Uh. Yeah. mumbles I think.

Kami: NailandInevergotcaught.

Piccolo: Screw it. I feel my lungs on fire. See ya.

After the initial shock of being flooded by a tidal wave in mid air wore off, Gohan decide he should surface before he drowned. So seeing the light above, and the fact that he was standing on the tile floor, he pushed off for the surface. Propelling himself with his ki.

Cold air met his wet head, and he shook his spiked hair with vengeance.

Videl was going to kill him.

His mother was going to kill him.

And in just WHAT law of physics allowed for a tidal wave in mid-air? Hum? It was illegal! It wasn't possible!

Of course neither was flying, shooting ki balls, being left in the wilderness alone with dinosaurs and nothing but your survival skills, flying to a planet populated by giant green men with no females to find balls that you can wish on, fighting a short pink gay lizard that wore lipstick just to save your life and having said planet blow up. Of course you wouldn't want to forget the bubble gum creature that was stronger than you and your friends combined turn people into candy, eat them, and then turn good!

But never mind that no hum! No sense in saying anything, right?

Yeah.

Gohan looked up, just to see his mentor floating casually in mid-air.

God he envied people.

The delicate hand drummed slim fingers in the same place as they'd made small craters in the wood.

Of course listening to drunken Kami's singing whatever they could for the past four hours would do that to you.

The worst part had been the spandex.

She knew Saiyans wore them, but, that had been just creepy. And it didn't help that they had those freakin barriers of theirs' up. Yeah, so pretty much she'd done nothing but sit here and wonder when they'd just pass out.

The music to 'Stayin Alive' died down as an out of breath Dende proceeded to lean forward just a little too much.

The she-kat proceeded to get up in the process. A sigh a relief coming from her rather loudly. Maybe she could finally finish her job.

But to her horror, in a puff of smoke, the Kami Namekian changed into white bell-bottoms, white open shirt, and a black white-man's Afro with side burns.

And the music started again.

The watery woman turned around to face him, making Yajerobi slam on his brake petal. But he slammed a little too hard, since there was a cracking sound. The white man with the pudgy something of a face and black shaggy hair gasped at the thoughts that crossed his mind.

He didn't like heading straight on into a water woman with no brakes. Especially with that look she was giving him, that wet look.

He took a deep breath.

Oh how he wished Dende would save him just this once. He'd never stuff the last piece of pie in his mouth while no one was looking if the Namek did. He'd never go over to Bulma's with pretend news and force her to feed him. He'd never.

It was then he realized he never hit anyone, or thing. Or the woman for that matter. He opened one eye slowly, coming face to face with his windshield. Looking straight, he saw the lady floating there as he saw her before.

Only this time the look was weirder.

Just where had he seen it before?

"Why hello there."

His eyes widened when he heard her watery, echo like voice. Was she being, flirtatious?

He gulped again.

The woman sauntered over to him, walking on air. To his shock of course.

Her wet hand grabbed his chin. How he wasn't sure, but his shirt was getting soaked.

"You're rather cute."

And was again, Yajerobi was one that never learned that lesson.

I like Shaggy, I like his voice, and I like his songs. So there fore this was meant as no insult to Shaggy.


End file.
